life · writing

I Keep Doing This

No matter how many times I promise myself that I’ll take it slowly, or go in with the “just fix this one chapter/page/paragraph” mentality, I always freeze up. I look at the giant project that is editing Summer Rush and my mind goes: HOLY FREAKING CRAP, THIS IS GOING TO TAKE FOREVER! I can’t help it. It’s a knee-jerk response so totally engrained in me that I have absolutely no say in the matter.

Okay, so we all know that’s not true. I have plenty of say in the matter. It’s just hard. When I get a mental block, I stay good and blocked for a long time. I think this mental freeze came over from a similar situation with The Angel Virus, which I’ve been stuck on for almost two weeks. I finally figured out what was going on with that. I wanted it to have a happy ending, but it was just so not happening. So, I determined it was all right for tragedy to strike the battleweary battalion, and immediately the ending came to me.

Right now I’m supposed to be working on my five page speech on John Newton, but it is boring my brain to pudding. Nine out of ten times, I hate writing nonfiction. Creative nonfiction can be fun, but this speech doesn’t have a creative bone in its body. I really wish we could have picked our own subjects. Melody got the subject of mustangs and other wild horses. How can I put this in a polite, nonviolent way? I WOULD KILL FOR THAT SUBJECT. Grr.

Tomorrow I have to give my speech and do my art presentation. After that, all big projects are out of the way until further notice. Then maybe I can focus on Summer Rush.

I can hope, right?


One thought on “I Keep Doing This

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