life · writing

I Was Really, Really Afraid of This

My lack of focus is just short of infamous in my family. I love new things, and there’s always something new to try, so it makes it hard for me to focus on one thing. That said, I also have a one-track mind, so I fixate on things. Those two traits are completely incompatible and sound contradictory, which means I never know when I’ll either a) be completely unable to focus or b) fixate on something and neglect everything else.

I have two problems. The lack of focus is showing up full force when it comes to editing Summer Rush. The fixation is showing up full force when it comes to wanting to start rewriting The Angel Saga.

(Being terrified of the Saga was the warning signal; I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I started wondering what all magical things I could possibly do to it, how I was going to make the plot points cohesive, etc, etc. Now I’m excited to get started on it!)

This is making me so frustrated. One of these days my mind really needs to cooperate, if only to change things up. Now I’m debating whether my heel-dragging and Summer-Rush-editing-hating is going to kill my novel. Now the question is: should I force it or drop it? If I drop it and let Summer Rush and editing have a rest, it would definitely do good things for my school and room. My brain could probably use the break, too.

But then I don’t get anything done! Grr. I don’t know which is worse. I had the horrible passing thought of vetoing writing altogether until school gets out, and completely pouring my energy to school and school alone. The thought is kind of scary. Nineteen days without writing will be a record for me.

The more I consider things, the more it’s looking like I’ll be giving in. It’s a calculated risk that I’ll come back to it refreshed and ready to get back to work. I’m determined to get this book done soon. But I’ll be honest and admit that I’m floundering where editing is considered, and one little comment on SR is all it’ll take to tip the scales and completely confuse me.

I’ll have to sleep on it and see what other options my brain comes up with. Hopefully they’ll be better ones than sloughing through or temporarily throwing in the towel!


2 thoughts on “I Was Really, Really Afraid of This

  1. :/ i’ve been thinking the same thing… with only 28 days of school left here it seems like an idea to at least think about. I’m jealous of you all. You get out 9 days earlier! haha

    Well good luck “sleeping on it”

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