I’m sort of bummed. I wanted this post to be a joyous celebration of my finishing draft six of Summer Rush. So I held out as long as possible. But I have two more chapters to go, and with a week full of tests coming up, I have to either write a post today or prolong it until next weekend.
Anywho, I’ve found myself dragging my heels with these last chapters in SR, and I have no idea why. I like my ending. I think it’s a good one. I’m trying to get this bad boy finished so I can enter it in this contest.
So I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m terrified out of my jumbled writer’s mind to give Summer Rush to beta readers.
There. I said it.
I know I said I was excited about it. But that was back when ten chapters stood between me and the end. Nobody’s really seen Summer Rush since it was in draft three. I cringe to think of all the crap-writing that has flown from my computer since then.
With each passing draft, I’ve taken some stuff out here, put in a little something there, reworded that, changed that chapter title. It’s easy not to freak out over how awful something is when you know nobody will ever see it; there’s always another draft between you and the betas.
This is the first time I’ve ever experienced this freaked out feeling. SR is the only book of mine that I’ve ever put any effort into editing. I’m never bothered when people read my other books, because they’re all first drafts, and I know I can do better.
But now, when I had over SR, I’m handing over some of the best writing that I can do. It’s something I’ve put over a year’s worth of effort and headaches into, and I’m not even sure if I know how to do any better. But I know that even if this is draft six to me, it’ll just be draft one to the betas.
So, yes. I’m terrified. And I kind of don’t want to finish this draft. Ever. As if that would somehow save me from betas forever.
Somebody smack some sense into me, please.