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Dear Writing, I Hate You

I do. I hate writing with such a burning passion that I want to grab a shovel, start a bonfire, and just start muscling every word I’ve ever written onto the fire. I will laugh maniacally as smoke billows up into the sky and that horrid burnt paper smell fills the air. My cackling will intensify as I continue to shovel, breaking a sweat yet happier than ever, because everything I’ve ever written will be gone.

Can you imagine that feeling? To lose every word you’d ever written from the time you were born until this very second right now? That would be strange. Devastating. Worthy of sackcloth and ashes style mourning.

But at the same time, it would be a little like starting out as a writer all over again, and that’s exciting. With a slate wiped squeaky clean, you could start your writing journey anew with all the optimism and high hopes of a first-time writer. You can’t even imagine the grueling process of rewriting and editing; critique partners are in your very distant future; publishing is barely a wisp in your brain. Your only thought is for the writing, the careful formation of each word, making characters in your head translate to the page.

I think I’m in a mid-writing-life crisis. Can I be in a mid-writing-life crisis? I might be too young. I’m in some sort of crisis, although it might just be inability-to-string-two-thoughts-together-because-you’re-both-bored-and-overwhelmed-and-underwhelmed-all-at-once.

There are lots of projects I could be working on at the moment, but I have no inclination to work on them. All of my old ideas are… well, old. There is one idea I’m excited about, but I’m saving it for NaNo because goodness knows if I’ll be able to come up with another one before then. The thought of editing any of my writings makes me want to chew on my eyeballs (ugh; no idea where that completely gross thought came from).

BUT… reading about other people’s productivity is making me mega jealous. I’m pretty competitive where writing is concerned. I like to write more than other people. I’m just going to fess up and own that side of me.

To everybody reading this: go write an Epic Scene of Mind-Boggling Aweseomesauce. Then, come back here and taunt me. I’m pretty sure that’ll make me want to write. 

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9 thoughts on “Dear Writing, I Hate You

  1. You know, doing NaNo is awesome. You and I both know I love NaNo. But writing right now, while you’re excited? That’s better. Go write the idea that you’re excited about now. There will always be another idea, somewhere down the road, even if you have to take one of those ‘old’ ideas and turn it completely on its head to get it. Trust me, those kind can be the most fun, because they let you be free to re-imagine everything about that old idea.

  2. Oh, dear, Gabriella! Sounds like you need some encouragement, even though I totally understand how you feel.
    I wrote the best kissing scene I’ve ever written, and I’d be willing to type it up and let you read it and make you want to go write your own. ^.^

  3. Oh you poor dear. I know that feeling. I know it very well. Editing is painful! I hope you get your writing mojo back soon – mine is coming back… slowly… at least that’s what I’m telling myself. By the way, I’m about to tag you on my blog… 😀

  4. Gabrielle! I loved this post but I felt compelled to comment: WRITE ABOUT THAT THING YOU’RE EXCITED TO WRITE ABOUT! Don’t wait til Nano, it is forever away and of course you’ll come up with about a million great ideas between then and now. And if not, then maybe you’ll have written a novel before November..and isn’t that the point of Nano anyways?? 🙂 I definitely think you should go for it while the fire is hot.

    xo

    1. Thank you, Stephanie! The funniest thing happened. I, uh, forgot what idea I was excited about! Haha. I thought it was this other idea, so I started writing that, and then I remembered it was originally the other one… Point being, I’m writing again! 🙂

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